god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I touched a dick in church today
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
