Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
