Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
