I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
