I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
