Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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