Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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