Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
