my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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