He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
FUCK WHALES
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize