Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
