I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
