Whod you bang
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
