K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize