I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize