Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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