I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
