i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
