Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I smell stomach acid.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
