Please, let me fuck your mom
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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