Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
