So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
