...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
