don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
