I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
