You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
