Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
