she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
