Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
