i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
