well you can't waste a boner
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
