I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
