My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
