I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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