Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
