I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
