summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
