You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
