Yo dont text me then not text me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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