Why are handjobs necessary in class?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
