i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
