You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
