I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
