Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Alive.
So much puke
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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