I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
