shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
