nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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