ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
