Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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