Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
