What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
