i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
