areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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