I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
