We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you never un-have a 4some
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
