He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
