I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
love makes seman taste better
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Congratulations! We have a period
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