i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
