I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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