He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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