I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
