Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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