Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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