dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she was so not down for the gang bang
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
