we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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