Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
