i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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