You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
