The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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