Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am one with the molecules
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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