We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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