"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
