my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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