i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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