Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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